Dear The Maya Jee,
Those are pink chaddis. You might be wondering why they’re sitting on your desk at work. I dropped them off. For you. These chaddis, Maya, represent my right to loaf in parks, in shops, in markets, in the streets; as such, they represent my right as a citizen of Pakistan to every public space that my country has to offer.
They also represent my right to use said public space in whichever manner I please as long as I don’t run foul of the mentally-retarded, intrusive laws of my country. I’m sensitive to the fact that the legal justice system is a concept that you have trouble grasping. Allow me to help:
a) Per the Constitution of Pakistan, I have, as a citizen of Mamlikat Allahbakhsh Pakwatan, the right to life and liberty. I have the right to public space. I have the right to appear in said public space with whomever I please;
b) Sitting with a person in public is not against the laws of my country;
c) Unless you can find four ‘upright’ Muslims who have witnessed ‘penetration’ (if you dont know what that means, try google) and who agree to testify as such, I and the person or people I’m with in public have not — I repeat, seeing as how you’re kinda slow and all, have NOT — violated any laws of Pakistan. Even if I were holding my partner’s hand in public, I am NOT violating any laws of Pakistan.
There, that was simple, wasn’t it? Now let’s talk about you, Maya. Off the top of my head:
a) Running after people with cameras and microphones is harassment — a crime;
b) Lying about whether your cameras and microphones are off is a crime (under many, many sections of the law);
c) Violating people’s privacy without a warrant and a mandate is a crime;
d) Harassing women, which is what you and your posse were doing in your attempts at ‘slut-shaming’, is a crime under Section 509-Amended.
Heads up, Maya, a lawsuit is headed towards you, and your producer, director, channel head(s), etc. And boy, do we have proof!
Now that we have all that annoying legalese out of the way, let’s get down to some other facts here:
1) Maya, I’m in awe of you and your posse of faarigh phappey-kutniaN. You lot can simply look at a woman and tell whether she’s lying about her relationship with the person with whom she is sitting. Does Interior Minister Rehman Malik know about your powers? You’re aware of our, *hem* law-and-order problems, aren’t you? As a patriotic citizen of Pakistan, have you and your gang offered your services to the interior ministry, or at least the home department? Imagine how many terrorists we could catch! You lot could simply look at them and tell us what they were REALLY up to, and voila! Off to Guantanamo it would be for them scumbags! Socho, Maya, no more terrorism! Socho!
2) Every khandaan has its own value system, as does every household within that khandaan. My parents, for example, are okay with me gallivanting with my partner; the rest of my khandaan, however, might not be as ‘accommodating’. As such, what we do is between my parents, my partner, his parents and me. The last thing I want while making a major life decision with my partner is a camera shoved in my face and an airhead making all sorts of assumptions about me.
3) Many families here don’t think it is appropriate for women to choose whom they want to marry (let alone the choice to not get married at all). If my family were like that, my job would not be to please them by being saddled with a random moron and spending the rest of my life in misery. No, Maya, it really isn’t. You might decide to do that, but that’s your problem; don’t make it mine. I will choose whether I want to be in a relationship and with whom.
4) What if someone were sitting in a park with a same-sex partner; how would you know if they were out on a date then? Or do you think ‘fahashi of this sort’ doesn’t exist in Pakwatan? Here’s a newsflash, Maya: it does. I’m bisexual, Maya, and some day, I might just run into you while out on a stroll with a girlfriend. What would you do then, Maya? Haw haey.
5) I see that you don’t like covering your head. Power to you. What would you do, though, if a bunch of crazies (not that you aren’t one) ran after you with sticks and harassed you to ‘dress more modestly’? Wouldn’t that be fun!
6) Also, you’re extremely elitist, aren’t you? I saw how your ‘outrage’ was reserved for those who could afford little more than a date on a park bench. I notice these things, Maya; a lot of people do.
I understand that you might not be entirely or solely to blame for this madness; you take orders from your boss(es) as well. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you have [at least some semblance of] a brain. As such, you can say ‘no’ to such blatantly insane and frankly, criminal, nonsense. What would you rather have: an idiotic displeased boss, or jailtime?
The point is, Maya, the bullshit that you pull is not journalism. Not everything done for a television station is journalism; your work certainly isn’t. I saw how you were taken for a ride by the fake ‘Kalmey waali sarkaar’. A journalist, Maya, would have asked a thousand and one questions (at least) and exposed the truth. You, on the other hand, chose to be an idiot. Learn what journalism is about, Maya, and stop harassing people. Because honestly, if you were ever to do that to me, there would be an extremely high probability of you walking home with my shoe lodged up your posterior.
That said, enjoy the chaddi; hope you get many more!
Love,
~ A Beyhaya Woman From Karachi.
PS: Inn chaddioN ko zameen pey na rakheay ga, maeli hojaengi.
PSS: Chaddi meiN dil hai mera. (I’ll stop now.)
[ThanQ for the inspiration, Pink Chaddi people ]